…and heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
i don’t have time to maintain these regrets
when i think about the way
oh how he loves us…
(david crowder band, “how he loves”, 2009)
standing in a crowd of people singing, i catch my breath. i have been staring hard at my regrets lately…
not good enoughs,
what could have been if i hadn’t made a wrong turn.
…sitting in a pile of dead leaves and blooms, tossing and turning them in my mind, sifting, sorting…
- looking for the answer to bring them back to life…to try again. to make it right. see—that bloom has color–there is a possibility. let me go back lord!
but i can’t bring life. not without god moving first. he is the miracle maker, desire of your heart giver. (psalm 37:4)
- condemning myself again though i know the truth to be: “therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus.” (romans 8:1, NASB)
could i really be forgiven for this mess? these mistakes? yes.
blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered. blessed is the man whose sin the lord will not take into account.” (romans 4:7-8, NASB)
and then he loves me, oh how he loves me…
he gently takes my face and turns it to see what he is doing…
a different life,
the growth following a pruning,
the colors that his alone to create,
the light he shines through me,
the crooked path made straight.
and i quietly and gratefully hand him my regrets once again..
“cast your burden upon the lord and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” (psalm 55:22, NASB)