waiting ’til the light comes on (3.44 pm)

i wait until the light comes on.

then with my heart racing a little, i begin to countdown the miles i have left.

i am sure it means i’m brave, maybe a little independent, or better yet…

it means i have more pressing things to do than worry about a tank of gas.

children to raise.  people’s lives to be a part of.  a job to do.  plans.

PLUS, when it comes to refueling, i am an optimist.  even when i put it off again and again…somehow it will work out just fine.

and it seems to….work out just fine. i haven’t run out of gas yet.  i haven’t “learned my lesson”.

but what is not working out just fine?

 i am interrupted. or late.

–stopping to refuel (when i have no other choice because i have reached my limit!) gets in the way of where i need to be now. and sometimes who i was needed by…

i am anxious.

–i never quite trust that i have a 5 gallon reserve.  (no one has actually opened up the side of my car and shown it to me!) i am fearful of not reaching the gas station and inevitable consequences…

i am impatient. irritable.

–with who and what is going on around me. because that orange/red mini orb is pulsating with the accusation that i’ve not paid attention, that i didn’t plan ahead, that i’m distracted, that i’m not taking care of things…

…and the orb is right truthful.

 

i haven’t paid attention.

i didn’t plan ahead.

i’m not taking care of things (in this case my car).   i am expecting it to do the job, have power and speed and resources to go the distance…on empty.

“…he makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters.  he restores my soul…” psalm 23:2,3 (NASB)

the pastures are green!  there is grazing to be done!  that is the most important thing to sheep (i think).  but he says, no–makes us rest.

it might be time with god.

it might be time with family.

it might be time alone.

it might just be sleep.

there are good things to be done.  things we need to do. things we are supposed to do.  and one of them is probably refueling before the light comes on.

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5 thoughts on “waiting ’til the light comes on (3.44 pm)

  1. I’ve been such a procrastinator, Kris. I only turn to God when I’m down. When my back is against the wall. I forget about him in good times. i feel like such an opportunist.

    • i think we all are at times. i think sometimes that’s why he allows our back to be up against a wall or to be down, to give us the opportunity to look to him. to be glorified in the only he can.

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