driving through (8.53 am)

combine western culture’s constant offensive towards inconvenience, a tendency towards shy and a slight fierce romance with caffeine and you have the perfect recipe for driving through.

i am not in a hurry.  the wait is often longer.  i am just  sometimes more comfortable with alone. 

i love people.  but  i am continually baffled by the tendency we have to stand in near proximity of each other and not speak.  not connect.

the silence makes my skin itch.  i desperately want to say something.  anything.

to acknowledge each other–a commonality:

  • that we are all here searching for the same unburied treasure.  shots of espresso mixed with some sort of sugar and creaminess…to feel good, to keep us moving forward a few more hours
  • that we are all on our way to somewhere…
  • that if we opened up our backpacks and compared the contents, the similarities might  surprise and encourage….

yet no one speaks….

and i am sure that if i open my mouth, some sort of incomprehensible phrase will dribble down my chin and i will be left with the embarrassment of wiping it away while the other person tries to pretend they didn’t see.

so i drive through.  where i am safe from the awkwardness of my flat words or no response…safe from the discomfort of a connection i am not used to.

but sometimes i park.  i grip my phone a little tighter and i look around the room with false bravado and smile a little too big when i make eye contact.

and i say something.  a compliment. a question. even a cliched isn’t it hot today.

and i connect. 

i leave with a feeling that i am certain does not come  from two shots of espresso. and  i would  like to think someone else is feeling it too.

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One thought on “driving through (8.53 am)

  1. my ‘drive-through’ is my mobile phone & texting… it’s a ‘get out easy’ clause. it makes it easy for me to contact somebody when i would haven’t the courage to talk to them otherwise. or feel bad about something. or when i’m so hurt by a friends’ actions that i wouldn’t be able to keep it out of my voice, but don’t know how to broach the subject or don’t know what to say if i was called on it. it makes it too easy for me to perpetuate the belief that i might be an inconvenience to someone, calling at the wrong time, so i send a text so that they can fit mit in at their convenience. but sometimes i take the plunge and actually call someone. because i can’t and don’t want to always hide. and because i hope that i am important enough to my friends to be ‘an inconvenience’.

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