in my twenty something years i dated boys who did not value me. mostly, because i valued myself less. door to door in relationships, i looked for someone who believed i was worth donating their love to.
so when i met a boy who loved god and treated me like treasure, i knew he must be the right one. he thought i was too.
like a child holding up their catch for the approving to keep it, i showed god what i had finally gotten right. this one met the measurements. this could be mine.
knowing my father wants to give me good things, i was certain he would agree to this future i saw.
so when that good boy obeyed the god he loved. when he stepped off the road we were walking together… confusion and disappointment took turns pushing me to my knees.
i twisted the silver ring off my finger. a ring that hinted at promises we had hoped to make. and i wept into the pieces of my burst balloon that lay around me. a balloon filled with so much right, it had seemed impossible to break.
and i look at god with the plans he had for me sharply in his hand and they felt like a weapon. i could not find understanding then.
but it came later….understanding.
with turned pages and stepping into plans that were the rightest.
i have many rings i wear now. the most important for promises made and balloons that are full and floating.
but one simple silver circle reminds me often…
the door shut,
the dreams that don’t become,
the no right turns,
these are not the end of my road.
for i know the plans i have for you,” declares the lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
(jeremiah 29:11, NIV)