disarmed (4.55pm)

when in cannot be held one moment longer.  the weight of it forces heart and mind to hand over defense to him.

the already showing semi-automatic first. i’m tired. it clatters to the floor because i am angry at the transparency required. i feel exposed.

the revolver shoved into the waistline of my jeans follows. reluctant willing. i’ve been worried about the making and meeting of ends.

grenade in my jacket pocket. it feels like you haven’t been around and i am overwhelmed. set down softer. relief is beginning to take hold.

the knife strapped to the outside of my thigh. i miss you. i am too much alone. this time i hand it directly to him. direct surrender to this unburdening.

and the hidden best.  smallest knife slipped inside my boot. i resist until his hand reaches out and  fingers beckon handing over.

this is hard. the one i keep til last. i feel let down by god.


and with that i am defenseless.

and he holds me. what i wanted above all.  arms wrapped around. to fall into him.

to be disarmed to not hold myself so tightly to me.

to let the less strong show…..so i can be encircled by strength.

“cast your burden upon the lord and he will sustain you;
he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” 

psalm 55.22 (NASB)


*inspired by lisa-jo baker


One thought on “disarmed (4.55pm)

  1. I’ve this bad habit of beginning from the end lol (books, movies….yeah total killjoy)…but i thought it would make sense with a blog and that’s what I did with yours…started at the very beginning :) so almost missed out on this :) Glad I didn’t. I needed this one in particular, Kris. huge hug

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