i loved a boy. when young was in truth and not just at heart. this brief moment in many years that i come back to when i reflect on the gift of steady.
i remember his trust. and care. and how i was hard to hold—uncomfortable in my own skin. i remember arms wrapped around denimed back. his fearless up on one wheel for an entire road home. even in play he was strong and solid and something i did not know i would need in this life.
i thought that i wanted heights. that lows in between counted for something too. i handled his heart with careless. but years into grown up he was steady still in letting me offer sorry. accepting. gifting me again.
in life’s later i said yes to offer of love that was strong and solid and something i did not know i wanted. a boy to man who has kept my heart close and safe while i learn to shrug off selfish and self-doubt and settle into peace. his love and leading and letting have steadied me.
turn to me and be gracious to me,
as is your way with those who love your name.
keep steady my steps according to your promise….
psalm 119: 132-133 (ESV)