arrival (6.34am)

in flight home from my ten year high school reunion on hawaii’s shore, my feet swelled for the first time in twenty eight years of cessna to jumbo jet travel.  and i knew. M had guessed too, in the way he often reads me before i turn first page.

when plastic predictor told me R was on her way i:  said s**t, smoked my last cigarette and trembled inside at the huge of it. M gifted me a baby nested in mother necklace that proved his guessing. her arriving was an every moment vivid earthquake and i am forever grateful for the point of no return.

i do not remember D’s coming into this world.  four months after a part not of me was cut out.  months of  to-my-knees pain and pills to hold it back recorded over his entrance. but stretching to contain him left proof on my body and he is so fully in my story and so big in my everyday… it makes no difference.

i knew that C had entered into my heart when thirty-five minutes of nowhere to be found in short distance between school and home left me soaked from tears and angry to raise voice hard at him when finally found.  i had come to hold  him close enough that thought of losing hurt big.

for some god comes in to their life with blinding light and startling realization that this is for real. for keeps.

for some, they cannot quite remember the beginning but his presence makes the greatest impact daily. the now is vivid.

for some it is subtle filling up to contentment’s level in the joining. arrival finally embraced with whole heart.

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9 thoughts on “arrival (6.34am)

      • Awww! Reminds me a bit of me and the ring my Dad gave my Mum when I was born…I always wanted to try it on and totally shocked some friends one day when I said “Right Mum, one day when you are dead this ring will be mine!. They were schocked, but my Mum agreed….”yes, one day very far in the future, this ring will be yours”. :-)

  1. I have little to add or say, Tears, the knowing, the reality of love so consuming. Each paints a different color on our hearts. Thank you Kris, beautifully written.

  2. I have to say that you always have a way of describing something so incredibly cosmic beyond description that just floors me…thanks my friend for sharing your gift of encouragement and exhortation! Catching up on your posts in Thailand reminds me of who I am in Him and makes me miss you tons!!!!

    • mae, sooooo good to see your name!! was just getting ready to send a bunch to you. yay! email when you’ve gone dark again and i’ll set an alarm to remind me to send it daily. got distracted. :( love you!!

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