rear view (12.15pm)

this morning my phone crashed.  three hours later it was restored. but some things were not.

nearly a hundred voice memos that were maybe just a word or a phrase.   each one a seed for writing to unfold from and and be shaped into something real and recognizable and even beautiful to some.

three hundred and more recent photos. some an idea to tuck away. some a window into my life for far away friends to take a peek through. some these growing up tender and true moments of everyday captured for my heart to review.

handfuls of voice messages . some from my parents—just in case tomorrow there was no hearing again. some from friends reminding me that i can do this or that. some from a dearest friend still in rehab’s belly whose every day voice i miss during this time of  “under construction”.

so many little things i touched a hundred times in the ease and going about of my day are suddenly missing rungs on a ladder and i am standing still for the moment at my taking for granted.

it felt like they were locked away safely behind combination but truthfully they were sitting on window ledge three stories high.  and not even egg shell pieces scattered on the sidewalk for they disappeared in the falling.

it is not a life or love i lost.  but for a few days, before they begin the becoming smaller in my rear view mirror—- i will mourn the pieces of my heart and intentions and treasures that they were.





5 thoughts on “rear view (12.15pm)

  1. Awe…..that is so sad. I’d really have a hard time handling a loss like you discribed. My heart is with you. I loose it when I write one report and loose it on the computer. :-( LOVE YOU… and all the beauty you see and create. Mum

  2. Sometimes I am glad to be from the generation of paper, notebook, pencil…….some things never seem to fade in the rearview mirror of life. I call my paper scribbles my “backup”. That feeling that things are safe but in truth are not is awful…..rock, paper, scissors. Always something to trip up our day. So sorry Kris…..

    • thank you. feeling much better now but cried like a little girl at letting it all go. but god whispered trust me….and i always end up there…trusting him. because his faithfulness shows. xoxo

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