there are times when i am near M. shoulders pressed like twins joined in a crowd. next to in usually same seats in church because front row with it’s up close and leg room is always empty.
he turns to say and it is effortless to lean in and listen. observation or request that i nod or shake head to. funny that i keep lips closed to keep laughter from spilling out too loud. personal that i press cheek to in answer.
it is easy this listening from next to. but times when he calls from across the house reveal things between.
conversation already started.
task i am standing in middle of.
blanket -wrapped comfort.
me feeling deserving of me first.
knowing response may require more than the listening.
and when i come to hear i…
sometimes enter with hands over ears. present with refusal in my heart.
sometimes spread out hands full of everything i have been asked to give up. wanting to make sure he sees my sacrifice. it is dusted with resentment.
sometimes i choose genuine glad. because it is my choice.
sometimes i am not far off from time pressed in close to him and my heart is full of why he is the most to me and i welcome the saying.
“that the lord called samuel; and he said, “here i am.” then he ran to eli and said, “here i am, for you called me.” but he said, “i did not call, lie down again.” so he went and lay down. the lord called yet again, “samuel!” so samuel arose and went to eli and said, “here i am, for you called me.” but he answered, “i did not call, my son, lie down again.”
now samuel did not yet know the lord, nor had the word of the lord yet been revealed to him. so the lord called samuel again for the third time. and he arose and went to eli and said, “here i am, for you called me.”
then eli discerned that the lord was calling the boy. and eli said to samuel, “go lie down, and it shall be if he calls you, that you shall say, ‘speak, lord, for your servant is listening.’” so samuel went and lay down in his place.
then the lord came and stood and called as at other times, “samuel! samuel!” and samuel said, “speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 samuel 3:4-10 (NASB)