for almost a year i have held a friend’s hand across ocean while he pushes and pulls to free from addiction’s sinking sand. hurt and hope sit in front row seats in the moving forward—-headed towards exit sign.
i have watched struggle and sinking again. my breath held fist tight wondering if he will reappear for next try. i have watched stillness and whispered my thank yous at god’s slow and steady drawing him out. every day prayer a backdrop to battles that hold loss even in the winning.
i have stayed as close as god allowed. laying boards across his life for bracing.
the truth of him i see underneath the layers of wrong turns and falling down.
god’s promises kept.
my love for any of it’s worth.
sometimes they have helped him closer to edge. sometimes he has not been able to see them past eyes filled with sand or the comfort of staying.
i have cried out for god’s bigger than life hand to set him free, even danced for the rain of sudden healing.
and god has with love and with clear made me know this is his child to save. in my heartbreak sometimes relief at letting go of this story’s ending, he has given me peace.
refrigerator door opening, cool unmistakable. sudden change.
or thermostat leading to lower temperature.gradually cool comes. shifting room and heart to new feel.
both settle on me calm and sure and certain of god’s hand in it
the lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to god. and the peace of god, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in christ jesus.
philippians 4:4b-7 (ESV)