it took years of marriage to believe in full that M’s love for me was constant. without stopping. without lessening.
setting down need to test him for right answers. need to push pull to confirm love’s truth.
need to reach for steering wheel to be sure my sense of direction was counted in moving forward.
to let his heart put me first without demanding my place.
to trust my standing with him stayed at love’s center because of his choosing not my winning.
underneath it all was learning to trust my standing with my god. to know i didn’t have to pound my needs into my marriage for finding certain they would be met.
the god who had met me with deep pocketed grace from near beginning of a lifetime had not passed the baton to M leaving me with love now limited.
i had to fill up paper bags with my want and need…set them on the doorstep of god’s goodwill. at the feet of my first in life love.
leaving me free to take M’s love for what it is. unwavering. wanting best for me even in answer no. leaving me free to step to the side or back because no love is lost in the giving up of my way.
love in good standing.
the lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. but it was because the lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of pharaoh king of egypt.
know therefore that the lord your god is god; he is the faithful god, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.
deuteronomy 7:7-9 (NIV)
wall collage photo courtesy of t. woods. xo