my children no longer want to wrap fingers tightly around pencils. these now of younger years. leftover from learnings and just beginnings and the tremblings inside from first times.
they are eager for pens. eager for the commitment of permanent. surer now. the first year of school past and dim….except when crafts and drawings and crooked sentences that crack my heart wide open are pulled out of drawers for exclaim.
in those moments i am reminded of their soft, unsure beginnings. a time when pencils were the start of it all and we were grateful for the erasing of attempts and mis-written.
but now they want ink.
the sinking in of it.
the choices and this is me today of it.
from comic strips to copied verses. journaled tummy trembling noticings of others. mothers day cards that leave me in closet with tears set free at how did it become this good, this deep—-this love between us.
their folded five times lists of this is what’s most important are written in red blue purple orange yellow pink grey black green.
mistakes don’t change direction or lead to crumpled balls of i can’t do this. they are scribbled over with the moving on certain of who they are and where they are going. they are joyed with confidence in their handing out into this world what god has imprinted on hearts and minds and spirits.
and first step pencils? not abandoned. ready for someone else’s beginnings. stepping stones to ballpoint dreams and doings. to faith’s permanence.
so then, just as you received christ jesus as lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
colossians 2.6-7 (NIV)