i avoid passenger seat. giving up time and closer and sleep to be driver.
to count on myself.
to stop and start and turn as i want.
to speed and slow and wait as should be feels to me.
i thought pride led me there. whispering you are best at finding best way to find your way.
reminding me of car named mine.
but now i think it is fear speaking. fear of too much time taken. refueling before it becomes a must. route i have not yet met. music that does not match my heart’s right now feel.
i reluctantly slide into second choice seat and my feet do not know where to go and i am inside sullen with control’s loss.
arms crossed at lane changes.
tensed at following distance not as i would.
speed with no numbered title feels too fast or slow.
but longer we drive i soften and settle into views streaming by. words to songs start to spill from my closer to smiling lips. conversation handed back and forth with hands that are free of steering.
and suddenly control pried from my tight hold is traded for peace. with free to be here without burden of how to get there. and letting go wakes up the still in me.
he says, “be still, and know that i am god…”
psalm 46.10a (NIV)