used (9.41pm)

there are times when my heart is filled and flattened by the weight of intimate every days become first time seeing her.

little girl who is my youth’s twin. my body born a second time, but with her father’s ears and sharp, dry wit tucked inside to remind me she is not my journey starting over.  R is own self and her firsts are ID bracelet hers.

used1

she has been wanting and asking and reminding. ten minutes in bookstore and she never even glances at the leather-bound-pretty-in-pink-i-could-put-my-name-on-this words of god.

wrapped in shy, she asks for the we-know-your-new-to-this-maybe-not-even-sure-of-this-possibly-won’t-come-back-free-for-the-taking bible.

the one we look past in finding the right version, the right fit,  the right comes with. 

she wants used.  her big brother’s kind of used.

the bent in half, every day shoved in school backpack, notes taken on sundays and wednesdays, duct-taped kind of used.

the do things differently now, see a future and plans meant for good, there is a way-and-life-and-truth here kind of used.

the see past my circumstances, hear my savior’s voice, peace that passes understanding kind of used.

she sees the living and wants the life.

used3

face still lit up at receiving, she is left-handed inking her name with care because it is the start.

the laying claim to faith that shows in its being.

used2

i see her unfold in front of me.

like water filling tightly pressed, brightly colored sponges into shapes that delight and draw in.

and little girl two tables away looks up to watch….

used4

 older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of god may not be reviled.

titus 2.3-5 (ESV)

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